The Landing Page Roast · Coaches Corner

The problem

A page that describes the thing is not the thing.

Most pages are a brochure with a form on it. The visitor arrives, learns that a resource exists, and leaves to think about it. Nobody comes back to think about it.

✗ Describes

"Our guide covers the four steps to a booking flow that converts." The reader now knows a guide exists. They know nothing they can use, and they have no reason to trust that the four steps are any good.

✓ Contains

The four steps are on the page, in order, with the message copy. The reader can build it tonight. If they would rather not, the door is right there, and now they believe it works.

The roast

The five checks, in the order they fail.

Open your page. Do not scroll past a failure to find one you pass.

01 THE FIRST LINE

Read only the first line. Does it make a claim, or does it name a category? "Marketing automation for coaches" is a category. "You answered that form at 7am. She booked with someone else at 9pm." is a claim.

The test: could a competitor put their logo on your first line and have it still be true? If yes, it says nothing.

02 THE PAYLOAD

Find the most useful thing on the page. Is it above the form or behind it? If a visitor has to give you an email before they learn anything, the page is a toll booth.

Behind the form is where most pages put the only real content, then wonder why the form conversion is low. The form converts on the strength of what is already visible.

03 REAL THINGS

Count the named things. Tools, numbers, prices, times, actual copy. Then count the categories: solutions, strategies, systems, results.

Under five named things on a full page means it was written to sound right rather than to be used.

04 THE BUTTON COUNT

How many different actions does the page ask for? Book a call, download, subscribe, follow, watch, apply. Every extra one splits the decision.

One action, repeated. Not five actions, once each.

05 THE FAILURE MODES

Does the page say anywhere what does not work, who this is wrong for, or where it breaks? A page with no disqualification reads as a sales page, because it is one.

This is the check almost nobody passes. Saying who should leave is the cheapest credibility available.

The payload

Run it as a prompt.

Paste your page text in and let it run the five checks. It is deliberately blunt, because a polite teardown is useless.

roast.prompt

# ROLE
You are auditing a landing page for a service business. You are direct and
specific. You do not soften findings and you do not praise anything that only
sounds good.

# INPUT
[paste the full page text, including button labels]

# RUN THESE FIVE CHECKS, IN ORDER

01 FIRST LINE. Quote it. Say whether it makes a claim or names a category.
   If a competitor could put their name on it and it stays true, it fails.

02 PAYLOAD POSITION. Name the single most useful thing on the page. Say
   whether it sits above the form or behind it.

03 REAL THINGS. Count named specifics: tools, numbers, prices, times, copy.
   List them. Then list the category words used instead.

04 ACTIONS. List every distinct action the page asks for. If more than one,
   name which should survive.

05 DISQUALIFICATION. Quote any line saying who this is NOT for, or what does
   not work. If there is none, say so plainly.

# OUTPUT
A verdict per check: PASS or FAIL, one sentence why, and the exact rewrite
for the failures. Rewrite in the page's own voice, not in yours.
End with the ONE change that would move the number most. Only one.

The prompt is worth more than the checklist because it will not let you argue with it. Run it on a page you are proud of first, so you calibrate on something that stings.

Questions

Before you use it.

Will this work on a sales page as well?

Yes, and it is harsher there. Sales pages fail check five almost every time, because they are written to close everybody rather than the right people.

What if I fail all five?

Then you have found five weeks of work with one afternoon of reading. Fix check one first. The first line decides whether the rest is read at all.

Do I need a designer after this?

Usually not. Four of the five checks are copy and structure. If the page fails on all four, a redesign makes a better-looking page that converts the same.

This is not for me if...

You are getting the traffic and the conversions you want. A page that works does not need a teardown, and running one will find things to change that are not worth changing.

Can I see the roast on your page?

That was the reel. I ran it on my own page and it called the first line a lie, which it was. The rewrite is what is live now.

Free access

Get the AI & GHL Academy.

The checks above are yours either way. The Academy has the page builder and the rewrite prompts that come after the teardown.

Coaches Corner

Want me to run it with you?

Bring the page, we run the five checks live, and you leave with the rewrite rather than the notes.

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